I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
