I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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