Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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