it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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