I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
