I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
