i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
