I molested 6 butterflies tonight
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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