That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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