i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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