I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
