I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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