Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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