K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
God I need to hump something, right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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