i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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