Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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