dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
