I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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