So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the liver wants what the liver wants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
