Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.

Fav 19 1094 3457
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

Fav 7 4061 786
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(440): View more from Ohio

oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

Fav 18 6367 920
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(620): View more from Kansas

My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.

Fav 53 13123 1205
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(775): View more from Nevada

I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.

Fav 20 6066 1333
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

Fav 4 1363 1332
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(954): View more from Florida

I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?

Fav 1 1107 757
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date

Fav 4 440 217
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress

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