From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wow bdsm is so cute
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
