I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
