what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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