Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
