Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
