so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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