I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
