I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
