____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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