I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
