And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
