If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
