He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
