you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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