So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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