capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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