Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
