im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
