You're so nebulous sometimes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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