she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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