dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
