I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
