Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
