someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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