you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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