i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
