I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
