U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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