Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
