He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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