If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
