sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
