The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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