Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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