Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
