babies were throwing up all over the place
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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