This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
