Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
