from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
