Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
