Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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