Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
