my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
