Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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