Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up on my dentist
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
