Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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