JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
