It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
