Heybabeimwearingurpanties
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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