He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
