We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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