He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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