pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
