U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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