Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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