I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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