Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
