Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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