I CAN MOONWALK!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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