why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
